How do I describe My Road Dog? To clear the air and disabuse all misunderstandings and confusion, my kid sister is my Road Dog. I’ve called her that for as long as I can remember. She is not a kid anymore, but from the moment she was born, she impressed upon me a responsibility that I didn’t initially understand; a responsibility that I never asked for; a responsibility that I cherish and would never trade for any dollar amount or figure; a responsibility and role that I hope to continue to fill and occupy. From the moment she was born, I was her big brother. I know I claim to be the elder twin, but with respect to my little sis, I am truly her older brother. From the time she could barely walk, I always felt like she was willing to walk to hell and back with me. Not because she understood where we were walking to, but just because she wanted to walk with me. I remember when she wasn’t allowed to cross the street by herself. I wasn’t old enough to drive, so when we went places, we would walk. I would sometimes walk directly next to her, or a few steps ahead of her. She’s younger than I am, but I almost never babied her. I let her walk her path, and I let her travel at her own leisure. I was never too far away and when it came time to cross the street, that’s when I would hold out my hand. That’s all. I never had to wait too long or turn around to make sure she was close by. I knew with conviction that whenever I held out my hand for my little sister to hold, her little fingers would clasp around mine, and off we would go.
I don’t have to say much about what it was like growing up. She and my twin sister were my father’s favorites. I’ve already explained enough about that. What I do want to talk about is how influential she is to me. I want to talk about how she saved my life. My journey has been tumultuous—to say the least. There came a point in my life when I had to move back in with my mom and my younger sister. She was blazing her way through nursing school, and I was just floundering. It was a dark period in my life, and it was my first bout with depression. I was in a constant abyss for almost two years. If not for my kid sister guiding me through that darkness… grabbing a hold of my hand… I wouldn’t be here today. I had contemplated suicide on so many occasions but was never confident I would be able to successfully end my existence. I’m sorry to say that here—not because I’m embarrassed by that—because this is a positive story I am trying to tell. Regardless, the story cannot be told without telling what she saved me from.
I was so far gone that I had developed a habit of punishing myself. I felt like I needed to be punished for all of my poor life decisions. I locked myself up in my room for days. I slept all of the time, and spent very few hours awake because being awake meant thinking—and I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to stop and feel and remember and cry. It was a very low point, but my little sister thought it would be a great opportunity for us to binge-watch shows together. She and I had an obsession for The Vampire Diaries. It was probably our favorite tv show to watch together, and I eagerly looked forward to Thursday nights because it meant she and I could watch it together. As I said earlier, I was the older brother, but during this period of rebirth, she was the one reaching out and I was the one taking her hand for guidance. She knew I was drowning, and she refused to leave me be. She would invite me to kickbacks with her friends. She would ask me for advice. She would let me borrow her car, and I would sometimes just drive to get away from it all. I would later admit to her that I—on a few occasions—contemplated driving her car off the road.
When I think back and recall how much pain I was in, I know that God… the universe… has a plan. I have to be meant for something more. We all are meant to do something in this life. It cannot be just endless suffering; there has to be a meaning to it all. There just has to be. Anyway, my kid sister… My Road Dog… She literally saved my life. It took a lot of time and effort, but I eventually began to heal. During my long healing process, I started to formulate a plan. That plan has faced many revisions and adjustments, but it has ultimately led me to this exact point. My Road dog, my little sis is the reason I am still here today, and I am forever grateful to her.
