Poetry in Chaos

And that’s how I avoided

Succumbing to the

The numbing, chilling rain

Despite the cold call of calamity

I eventually saw beauty in all the pain

I found truth in that serenity

A quietness so pristine

Despite all the thoughts and emotions,

One radiated a bit differently

Its vibration was of the highest frequency

It took the opposite of running to finally receive what the universe had for me

Instead of chasing opportunities and grabbing ahold so viciously

I opened my palms and let things come together

And the result was the essence of beauty

I felt harmony

I sat in stillness

In the darkness

And focused on each breath

Thoughts came and went

The good the bad

The times I contemplated death

Finally, I was forced to sit

Not by choice, but by life

Temporarily crippled by the grasp of my depression

Dissonant whispers trying to sway me towards demise

Dissuade me from peace

I sat—unable to move

Chest tight, heart empty

Bills

Responsibilities

Goals set, unattained

Love gained

Love lost

Unfulfilled ambitions

Untapped potential and the lot

Bombarded with fleeting thoughts,

But unable to hold onto a single one long enough for it to take shape

I ran all around

Looking for the source of every sound

From pole to post

Frantic in my search for my purpose

Frenetic in my approach what does it all mean?

Something’s not right

This isn’t a part of the plan

Knowing I was headed down a one-way path

I couldn’t understand

That destination wasn’t what I keyed in

I must have fat-fingered that GPS because

That life… that wasn’t it at all

It wasn’t meant for me

And so I ran

No, that’s not it. I didn’t mean that.

That’s not the word. I meant, fulfilling.

The thought of waking up everyday

Doing a job I hated

To support the family I never wanted—

Wait, what?

But, this was my path, wasn’t it?

Go to school

Get good grades

Be a doctor

This was my choice, no?

Wife… house… kids… car…

Wasn’t this supposed to be what life was like?

Wasn’t it supposed to feel so… dull?

Wait, what?

Then one day, it all changed

Unhappiness started to bubble

I felt unease in the very pit of my stomach

Maybe it was anxiety—no, I don’t think so

It wasn’t cold feet

I just had a feeling that none of what I was pursuing was meant to be