Being a soldier was easily the simplest and most difficult job I’ve ever had. Every single day was almost a carbon copy of the previous day:
- Wake up
- PT
- Shower
- Eat
- Soldier
- Eat
- Go home
- Gym
- Eat
- Sleep
- Repeat
I did everything expected of me. The paycheck wasn’t great, but it was consistent; never late.
Always on time, and sometimes early.
I would sometimes put in (or be voluntold[1]) overtime and extra duty, but there were no bonuses, or extra pay. As a matter of fact, straying away from the routine only invited room for error and trouble. I’m naturally a creature of habit, so this was perfect for me. I had issues with authority, but I quickly learned that keeping my mouth shut was the best course of action.
Stick to the routine, show up at the right place, at the right time, with the right uniform, and all would be copasetic.
Simple right? Well, no. I’m a creature of habit, but I’ve also got a predilection for being anti-. I have an interesting disdain for following the crowd or feeling like I’m losing myself and melting into the tapestry of a bevy of worker ants. Because of that, trouble had a way of finding me.
That’s another story for another time.
So, back to what I was saying before…
I showed up every day and did what was expected. My first disappointment with the Army came when I discovered that it didn’t matter if I did less than or more than my share—I got paid the same. This was a bit disheartening because upon enlisting, I had hopes of busting my butt to excel and rank up faster than my peers. I wanted to outwork everyone in my class and begin my journey. I had no idea that it wasn’t a merit-based system, but essentially a system based on time. Stay in long enough, stay out of trouble, and you’ll go far. Do too much, attract too much attention, and you’ll be on someone’s radar. Being a “part of the crowd” in the Army doesn’t prevent you from receiving recognition or promotion. Quite the contrary. It’s very rare for the Army to forget about you. They may lose sight of you for a time, but Big Brother is always watching. Eventually, the Army will come to collect whatever is due. Being an individual, however, is dangerous territory, frowned upon, and heavily discouraged.
I say all of that to say, this:
Joining the Army was one of the single greatest decisions I’ve ever made in my life. Leaving the Army was an equally great—if not, a greater—decision. I learned so much from my time and met people that I consider family. The problem, however, is the allure of a guaranteed paycheck for being average. It isn’t necessarily hard work. The most difficult part about my job was dealing with the BS. The extremely unnecessary. The mass punishment. The whims of individuals who were perpetually drunk off power. That is why it was difficult. I often found it hard to cope in that environment. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was dealing with very immature individuals who had unfortunately been thrust into leadership positions without having leadership acumen. That reality triggered anxiety and depression that almost cost me my Army career and the rest of my life.
More to follow
[1] Voluntold is a juxtaposition of volunteer and told. It is to be commanded to complete a task, under the guise of having a choice to say no. There is really no choice.
