Can I tell you a secret?
I thought about quitting the other day.
Let me explain.
Sometimes, quitting is actually good. Right? I mean, we can applaud when someone quits smoking; smoking is really bad for your health. We can get behind a person who decides to seek help for a drug habit or alcoholism… those things are ok to quit on. So, why then am I ashamed to admit that I thought about quitting my dream? Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s like the twentieth time I’ve said that. I assure you, I’ve thought about it more times than I can count. More times than I can admit.
Ha… twenty…
I wish. I wish it had only been twenty times. I wish I had only doubted myself on twenty occasions. I wish today would be the last day I would feel doubt. I wish today would be the last day I don’t wake up in the morning, hating life. Hating the decisions I’ve made. Hating the decisions I’ll have to make. I wish I didn’t have to write this.
I wish people didn’t find what I have to say so interesting. I wish I weren’t so influential to the people who know me. I wish I didn’t feel the amount of joy I feel when I hear someone has broken through and achieved something that seemed so unachievable. I wish I didn’t relish every opportunity to teach and every opportunity to be taught. I wish I didn’t feel so connected to any of you when you share your stories—good and bad—with me. I wish I didn’t feel this way at all. I wish I didn’t feel anything because if I didn’t feel anything, it would be so much easier to drift away.
But with all of that being said, if you can accept me—flaws and all—I hope you can also accept yourself.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
It has to be… right?
Quit tomorrow… Not today.
